Fix You
by xJanzx
Summary: A Ronnie and Jack fic that is set a short time after Danielle's tragic death.
1. Chapter 1

**Fix You**

_Tyres screeched. Brakes squealed. A dull thud._

Ronnie's eyes snapped open, her breaths coming in sharp gasps. She looked around herself, confused and dazed. This wasn't her flat – where was she? She heard the soft whimpers of an infant and instantly remembered where she was.

Slowly lifting herself from Roxy's bed, she walked over to Amy's cot. Ronnie stared at the baby, at Amy. Her niece.

Ronnie closed her eyes, before instantly opening them once again. Every time she closed them, all she could see was the face of her dead daughter.

Amy's whimpers became louder, turning into wails. But Ronnie couldn't lift her from the confines of her cot, she couldn't hold her, she couldn't comfort her. A sudden panic rose in her chest and Ronnie fled from the room. She looked into the kitchen and the living room, but Roxy wasn't in either. Finally, Ronnie descended the stairs and made her way through to bar.

A sudden hush fell over the entire room as each and every customer realised she was there, their eyes watching her every move. She didn't look at them, knowing that as soon as she did, they'd look away.

Instead, Ronnie looked towards her right. A week ago, Danielle had stood there, telling her that she was her mum. Begging her to believe her. But Ronnie hadn't. She'd thrown her out of the pub. She'd thrown her own daughter out. Her own daughter. What kind of mother did that?

Roxy instantly rushed over to her sister, grabbing hold of her hand and placing herself between Ronnie and the space that her sister was staring at. "Ron? Ron, what is it? What's wrong?"

Roxy's word shook her out of Ronnie memories, but still her eyes remained fixed to the spot passed her sister. Where Danielle had stood. Where she'd been crying. Crying and pleading.

"Er, erm, Amy-," Ronnie stopped herself. "Erm, she's crying."

Roxy nodded. "Okay, okay. Let's go back upstairs, yeah?" She tugged on her sister's hand, but Ronnie didn't move. "Ronnie?"

Ronnie shook her head.

"You wanna stay down here?" Roxy asked, uncertainly.

"No." Ronnie didn't know what she wanted to do. At times she wanted to be alone, but when she was she craved the presence of others. And then when people were around her, she wished them gone. There was only one person she wanted and she'd never be able to see them again.

"I'm erm, I'm gonna go back to my flat, okay?"

"Ron-" Roxy tried to protest, but she was cut off her sister.

"Just for tonight, yeah?"

Finally, Roxy nodded. "Okay."

"I'll take you over," Phil stated. "Billy can watch the place, can't you mate?"

"Yeah."

"You don't need to do that," Ronnie replied, shaking her head.

"I'll take you over there, no arguments," Phil said, adamantly, going to grab both their jackets.

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

The two cousins stepped out of the Vic and into the darkness of the night. They stayed silent as they walked through the Square. "I want to go this way," Ronnie said as she hurried ahead, walking a different route to her flat.

"Ronnie, don't do this to yourself," Phil told her, stopping for a moment and just looking at her. How could they not have known? How could they have been sucked into Archie's lies like that? After what Stella had done, he'd promised he wouldn't let anyone hurt his family ever again. That promise had been broken over and over again. Just like Ronnie.

"I want to go this way," Ronnie repeated, stopping as she saw that Phil hadn't moved. "Please." Her voice was strangled by her emotions, tears glistened in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

"She's not there, Ron."

"I know that! Don't you think I know that?! She's dead, she's dead. I know that! I was _there_. I held her, I held my baby girl as she died. My little girl!" Ronnie screamed, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks as her emotions suddenly took hold of her and refused to let go.

Roxy watched her older sister from her bedroom window before laying a settled Amy back down in her cot and running out of the Vic. "Ron, Ronnie, come on, come on," Roxy said, rushing over to her sister and trying to pull her back into their home.

"My little girl, Roxy. My baby girl, my Danielle. My baby. _Mine_."

"I know, I know," Roxy replied, holding her sister's face in her hands. "Just come in, yeah? Come inside, okay?" She wrapped an arm around Ronnie waist, guiding her back towards the Vic, before looking behind her and hissing at Phil: "What the hell did you say to her?"

But Phil just shook his head. She was grieving, it didn't matter what was said or done; she'd lost her daughter. Words weren't going to take that pain away. Nothing could.

"Veronica," a voice called out to her. Ronnie didn't turn around, she knew who it belonged to.

But Phil immediately intercepted the man before he could talk to his daughters. "Stay away from 'em. Both of 'em," he said menacingly, grabbing hold of the front of Archie's shirt.

"I did it for my daughter, I did it for you, Ronnie!" Archie exclaimed, trying to explain why he'd woven such a web of lies.

Ronnie stopped in her tracks. She spun around to face the monster that had torn her daughter from her arms nineteen years ago. "You did it for yourself," she told him, her voice monotonous and void of emotion. "You did it for nobody but yourself."

Archie shook his head. "You're wrong. You were just a child, you couldn't bring a baby up. It wouldn't be fair on you-"

"Fair? **Fair**?!" Ronnie shouted, flying from Roxy's embrace and towards her father. Her small hands balled into fists as they connected repeatedly with Archie's body. Her knuckles ploughed into his face, flesh hitting flesh. "You took her away, you kept her from me. And then you told she was _dead_! And now she is! That's down to you. _You're_ the reason my daughter died, _you're_ the reason she's dead!" Ronnie screamed every time her fist landed on her father's face.

Phil and Roxy didn't attempt to restrain her, knowing that Archie deserved everything he got. Everything and more.

Suddenly Ronnie cried out in pain, her father had grabbed her bloody hand and was holding it tightly.

"Let go of her!" Jack shouted across the Square, running from his doorstep to where Ronnie was. Jack took hold of Archie's throat, his fingers squeezing into the old man's windpipe, and brought his face closer to his own. "You come near her again and I'll kill you."


	3. Chapter 3

The quiet fury twinkled in Jack's dark eyes. Archie knew this wasn't just an empty threat, Jack was serious. A part of him was reassured, glad to know that his eldest daughter had people around her that truly loved her.

Jack let go of Archie's throat, his face contorting into disgust. But his features immediately softened as soon as he saw Ronnie. She just looked at him, the desolation apparent in every breath she exhaled.

"Go away," Ronnie spoke.

"Ron, I'm sorry-" Jack started, but Ronnie looked straight passed him.

"Go away. You're not wanted here. Go."

"Veronica," Archie tried to protest, but nobody was about to listen to what he had to say.

"Didn't you hear her?" Roxy asked, her face set in a scowl. "You don't belong here. Go."

Archie looked from one daughter to the other, their heartbreak mirrored on each other's faces. The full weight of his guilt pressed against his chest until he found it difficult to breathe; he'd lied about his granddaughter being dead and now she was. Whatever he had wanted, this outcome hadn't been it. He'd just wanted to keep Danielle away from Ronnie, they'd only just started talking again, he didn't want anything to jeopardise that. Archie backed away, disappearing into the darkness.

Jack turned to his ex lover, looking from her face to her bloody hand. Immediately, he wanted to wipe away the blood, nurse her hand until the skin was healed and it no longer hurt. _If only that could happen with her heart._ He closed the distance between them both before gingerly placing an arm around her waist.

"Come on Ron, I'll take you home," he whispered.

"No you won't!" Roxy exclaimed. "She's coming back to the Vic with us." The small blonde woman glared at the father of her baby, annoyed that Jack had the audacity to think that she would let him take care of Ronnie when she needed her sister the most.

Jack thought about backing off, letting Roxy help Ronnie, but his heart wouldn't let him give up. He'd spent too much time away from her already, spent too much time hiding away and not being there for her. Now was the time for him to show her exactly what she meant to him. To show her that she wasn't alone in all this, that he loved her and no matter what she said or did, nothing could stop him doing that or being there for her.

"Ronnie?" Jack said her name, wanting her to put Roxy straight, tell her sister that she'd be going home with him.

But Ronnie just continued to look at him, confused by his actions. She didn't say a word.

"Ronnie is coming back to the Vic with me, okay? _I'm_ her sister!"

"And _I_ love her!"


	4. Chapter 4

"You should really get that seen to," Jack said softly as he cradled Ronnie's bloody hand in his before gently running an antiseptic wipe across the ragged cuts. They were both sitting on the sofa in the club office; Ronnie hadn't wanted to go back to her place or the Vic, so Jack had taken her back to their club.

"I am," Ronnie replied shakily, still slightly stunned to see the crimson streams running from her hand. She winced and instinctively drew her hand away.

"Sorry," Jack said before gently pulling it back and cleaning the wounds.

"You said you love me," Ronnie told him, her blue eyes looking into his face.

"Yeah," he replied, tossing the bloody wipe into the bin and taking out another one. "I did. I've been saying it a long time, Ron."

"I didn't believe you before . . . "

"I know."

Ronnie nodded her head, looking away from him as she felt tears line her eyes. They swept over the office before landing on the various files that littered both their desks. A small whimper rose in her chest before escaping from her mouth.

"Ron?" Jack asked, concerned all over again.

"She was here, she did our _filing_ Jack! And I had no idea. Why didn't I know? I _should_ have known. I'm her mum, I should have known!" Ronnie exclaimed, her stomach twisting in knots at the thought of her baby girl feeling so alone and isolated.

"How were you meant to know, Ron? He told you she was dead . . ."

"I never believed a word he said before, so why did I believe him then?" Her body became wracked with heartbreaking sobs and there was nothing Jack could do to make it any better. He just wrapped her in his arms and let her cry. She needed to do this. She needed to let it all out.

"I just want it to stop!" Ronnie cried. "I keep seeing her face, over and over. She was so surprised, like she couldn't believe that it had happened. She called me 'mum', she called me 'mum' and then she **died**. I held her and I rocked her and I tried so hard to make her stay, but she wouldn't." Ronnie shook her head, the blood from her broken heart seeping into her tears. "I couldn't make her stay, she didn't want to. Why couldn't I get her to stay?! Why wouldn't she stay?!"

"It's not her fault, Ronnie-"

"I know! It's **mine**!" She shouted, her arms flailing out and knocking the bottle of TCP to the floor, where it shattered. The noise shocked her into silence and Ronnie just stared at the broken shards of glass. "I er, I'm sorry," she said, her eyes still transfixed on the mess she had caused.

"It's okay, it's okay," Jack said. "I'm just gonna get something to clean this up with." Ronnie nodded, letting him know that she had heard him. Jack looked at her, the sadness in his soul almost overwhelming him. All he had wanted to do was protect her, but he couldn't; not from this. Rubbing his forehead, he left the office.

Ronnie stared at the shards of glass, without even realising what she was doing, she picked a piece up, holding it between her fingers before placing it in the middle of her palm. Her eyes scrutinised every detail, the colour, the shape, everything. Taking it in her right hand, she ran the sharp edge across her left forearm; wincing slightly at the searing pain that spread through her arm.

"Ronnie!" Jack shouted, running back into the office and snatching the glass from her hand. "What're you doing? What have you done? What have you done?!"

"He said there'd always be a part of him in me, that that's why Danielle could never tell me. He said there's a part of him in me – I want him out, I want him gone. Take him out, get him out of me! Get him out of me, Jack! Get him out!"


	5. Chapter 5

"I just want his blood out of me, Jack." Ronnie's words were so empty, her voice incredibly fragile, as though a strong gust of air would break them apart. Jack bent down to her, tipping her face so that she was looking at him.

"Don't do that again, okay?"

"I won't," she told him, reassuring him. He looked over her arm, thankful that it was just a superficial cut and nothing that a few bandages and time wouldn't fix. "Is it deep?" Jack shook his head, his eyes remaining on the red stream that was dripping from Ronnie's skin. "I didn't mean to. .That wasn't what I wanted to do . . ."

"I know, you just – scared me, is all."

"I'm sorry." Her eyes lingered on his face, she could still see the remnants of terror in the crevices. Reaching out a hand, she gently caressed his cheek before bringing it back down to rest in her lap. "You're bleeding," Ronnie stated, noticing the spot of blood that had formed on Jack's hand.

"So are you," Jack retorted, pointedly nodding towards her bloody arm and hand.

"Yeah . . ." She looked to him, watching as he gently patted away the pooling blood before placing a bandage across the wound, not even giving his own a second thought. "I keep-" Ronnie stopped, unsure if she was really ready to divulge her secrets, her thoughts to the man that had repeatedly hurt her. The same man that was trying so desperately to put her back together again.

"What?" Jack pressed, his voice soft and even.

"I keep . . . hearing her crying. At the reception, she was crying so much, wasn't she? And nobody would listen to her, nobody believed her. But you-you, you said something to her, didn't you? I saw you say something – what?"

"It was nothing, I was just trying to calm her down."

"That should've been me. _I_ should have been the one trying to calm her down. I should have held her-"

"You did, Ron. You did-"

"No! No!" Ronnie tore her eyes away from Jack's face, unable to hold herself together if she continued to look into his warm brown eyes. "There's this . . . _hole_ inside of me and it's so big and so dark and it feels like it's going to consume me and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Sometimes, sometimes I just want to let it – because that has to be better, doesn't it? **Anything** has to be better than this."

Jack could see her tail spinning; this would be too much for anybody to handle, but Ronnie? She was already so emotionally fragile, oh yeah, she hid it well; played the 'Ice Queen' role, but Jack knew that wasn't her. That had never been her.

"Jack?" Ronnie whispered, clasping his hand in hers; as though it was her life line, something tethering her to the world of the living.

"Yeah?" He asked, leaning closer so their faces were only inches apart. He was so close now, he could see all of the different shades of blue in her eyes.

"Make it stop."


	6. Chapter 6

Jack looked at the beautiful woman sitting in front of him, this beautifully broken woman. Ronnie was begging him to make the pain go away, to help her. But how could he do that? She'd just lost her daughter, _again_ – there was nothing in the world that could make that hurt go away.

"Ronnie," he said, his fingers wrapping in her hair and pulling her towards him, her head resting on his chest. Bending his own head down, Jack took in the intoxicating scent of her skin. He hadn't been this close to her for months and now he relished it.

Ronnie could hear Jack's heartbeat through the material of his white shirt, could even feel it. She remembered Danielle's on that night, she had held her so close she'd been able to feel hers too. And then, she'd felt it slow down and then it was still. What Ronnie would have given for it to just start again – she'd have given her own heart if it meant her child's would beat again.

"You know I can't do that."

Abruptly, Ronnie pulled away from him, her eyes flashing with anger and turning a darker shade of blue. "Then what good are you?!" She shouted at him. Getting up from the sofa, she backed away from Jack, trying to put as much distance as she could between them.

"Ronnie," Jack stated, unsure why her mood had suddenly changed. _She's lost her daughter, you idiot. She's allowed to do whatever she needs to._

"No! You said you wanted to help, you said you wanted to make it better, so do that! Help me! Make it better!" She screamed at him, her words roaring from her as she pleaded with him to make the pain stop. She couldn't do it on her own, she'd done everything she could possibly think of – drinking, pretending it hadn't happened, smashing up every breakable thing in her flat, but nothing worked. Nothing made it any better.

All Jack could do was look at her, his brown eyes peeling away the layers of her shield. She was tearing herself apart, self destructing and he had no idea how to stop her. "Ronnie-"

"Stop saying that. Stop saying my name! You said you love me; so help me, Jack! Make it stop! I can't do it on my own; I can't make it stop. You have to, you have to make it stop!" Ronnie's body suddenly crumpled to the floor, every part of her soul exhausted from the emotion that ripped through her.

Jack instantly rushed to her side, his strong arms wrapping themselves around her worn form and holding her close to him. "Please, Jack!" She begged him through her sobs. "Just make it stop. Make it go away! Make it go away. . . I keep seeing her and I run to her, but I can't make it, I can't get to her. And then she's lying on the road . . . Make it stop, Jack! MAKE IT STOP!" Ronnie's screams were thrashed from her body, the words like vines that had twisted their way around her heart before sharply ripping the vital organ from her chest.

"Shh, shh, Ron. It's okay. It'll be okay," he rocked her, stroking her hair and trying to soothe her cries; but knowing deep down, there was nothing he could do to make it better. Ronnie was right – what use was he if all he could do was watch her break?

"I just want her back. I want my little girl back. I just want her back."


	7. Chapter 7

Ronnie slowly walked across the Square, trying to make her way home. "Ronnie!" Jack called after her, but it was as though she'd lost the capacity to understand him. She could hear him, hear Jack shouting her name, calling her; but the words meant nothing to her. They didn't make her want to stop or turn around or even acknowledge that she had heard them. They meant nothing.

Looking up into the dark night sky, she wanted more than anything to just fall into it. Fall into the darkness and just . . . disappear. Cos that had to be better than what she was doing now, right? It had to be better than her clawing out her own heart every moment of every day. Her limbs felt so heavy, so, so heavy and tired that Ronnie found herself collapsing into Arthur's Bench.

She closed her eyes, the darkness enveloping her mind in an embrace that offered only cold comfort. "I used to love the dark," Ronnie whispered to Jack as she felt him sit down beside her and snake his fingers with hers. She allowed the physical contact, this action of intimacy that they hadn't shared in such a long time. "I used to love it as a kid. Roxy, she was always petrified of it – even had a night light until she was eleven."

"Not you though, eh?" Jack murmured, clutching hold of her hand – he needed the closeness just as much as Ronnie did.

She shook her head. "No." Ronnie paused, her mind flooded with memories that seemed so long ago; as though a part of someone else's life. "I used to lay there, just in the dark and everything would fall away; all that had happened in that day, arguments with Roxy, stupid things at school . . .none of it mattered, it couldn't touch me. I didn't have to be Veronica Mitchell – Archie's daughter, Roxy's sister, Joel's girlfriend, Joel's _pregnant_ girlfriend; I was just me." She sucked in a breath, trying to stave off the tears that were already lining her eyes.

"The first time I felt her kick was at night. It was the strangest feeling ever, not painful just . . . surprising. Like a butterfly dancing in your stomach; 'a butterfly ballet' Joel called it." She exhaled, gasping slightly for air. "Oh, he doesn't even know . . ."

"Who, Joel?" Even saying the name of the father of Ronnie's baby brought a lump to his throat.

She nodded. "Yeah. He doesn't know. He doesn't know our little girl grew up, that she was this beautiful woman with so much strength. He doesn't know that our daughter's dead."

Jack watched as the pain of her heartache took hold of her, squeezing her in it's vice like grip. Ronnie turned to him, her blue eyes shining with tears. "He needs to know, Jack," she whispered, her body so tired from her anguish she couldn't even raise her voice.

"Yeah, he does."

"I have to tell him, don't I?" Ronnie asked, even though she knew the answer to her question.

Jack nodded once again. _She's so broken – how can I even begin to put her back together? . . . Maybe that's not for me to do. Maybe only Joel can do that; he was Danielle's dad after all. The father of her daughter._

"Not now," she told him, her voice monotonous as she face forwards once again; staring into the darkness that was only punctured by the orange glow of a nearby street light. "Not yet."

"Okay," he replied. Jack knew why she was saying that, he knew that as soon as Ronnie told Joel, it would be real. _More_ real. He knew that Joel would break down and the only grief she could handle right now was her own.

"Ronnie," a woman said her name as she stepped out from the shadows and stood in front of the two ex lovers. "Ronnie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Get away from me!"


	8. Chapter 8

"Ronnie," Janine called out her name once again, an edge of desperation lacing her voice.

"Jack," Ronnie spoke, not even looking at the other woman.

"Janine, I don't think-" Jack started, getting up from the bench and attempting to pull her away from Ronnie.

"I need to speak to her!"

"No!" Jack exclaimed. "Now's **not** the time!" _She's got enough to deal with without her daughter's killer trying to talk to her._

"Ronnie, please." Janine begged her, trying to plead with her to engage in a conversation.

Ronnie looked at her now, her blue eyes piercing through every layer that made up the woman standing in front of her. The fury shot out from her eyes, burning everything in it's path and only leaving destruction behind.

"Janine, just go," Jack told her, knowing that neither of them were in a fit state to have this confrontation.

"I can't," she replied, looking into his eyes and trying to convey everything she felt. "I can't go, I can't eat, I can't sleep – all I keep seeing is her face." Janine swallowed back a sob that so very nearly fell out of her.

Ronnie heard the noise, she felt herself rise up from the bench as her legs walked towards Janine, the woman that had killed her daughter. When she was a foot away, her arm rose in the air before her open hand rained down on Janine's cheek.

Janine reeled back from the impact of the blow, the pain filtering through her cheek. She drew her hand to her face and her mouth opened in shock. But Ronnie wasn't done. No, not yet.

"Don't you **dare**! You don't deserve to cry – you killed my daughter. You _murdered_ her!"

"It was an accident!"

"You **killed** her."

"I didn't mean to." Ronnie saw a line of teardrops form in Janine's eyes. A white hot fury rose up within her, bubbling through her veins and exploding beneath the thin veil of her skin. She grabbed hold of Janine's arms, her delicate fingers digging into the flesh, and pushed her into the black railings.

"Stop crying!" Ronnie demanded. "You don't get to feel that, you don't get to do that! She was mine, she was _my_ daughter, _my_ little girl and you, **you** took her from me. You don't get to cry about that."

Jack watched the two women for a moment before walking to Ronnie's side and tugging her arms away. "Come on, Ronnie, let's just go, yeah?" But Ronnie remained still, her cool blue eyes boring a hole through Janine's. "Ronnie, she wouldn't want this. Danielle wouldn't want this," he whispered to her and he felt, rather than saw, her arms lose their strength and drop to her side.

"I'll never know what she wanted," she told Jack, looking at him for a moment before turning her attention back to the scared woman in front of her. "I'll never know because you took her away. And I'm glad you have nightmares and I'm glad you can't eat and sleep, I'm glad you're haunted by it. You _should_ be. And I hope you're haunted by it until you draw your last breath and then I hope her face follows you to wherever you go afterwards. You killed her, you don't get to ever have retribution."


	9. Chapter 9

Roxy ran through the Square, trying to get to her sister as quickly as possible. She had been tending to Amy when she'd heard the commotion outside; Ronnie had Janine up against the railings and it looked as though Janine was about to get punched by her. In all honesty, Roxy thought that Janine deserved it – that and more – but she was more concerned about her sister's well being.

"Ronnie!" Roxy shouted as she ran up to her, dragging her arms away from Janine and putting her hands on either side of Ronnie's face. "Ronnie, look at me, look at me. This isn't the way, this won't bring her back. I'm gonna take you home now, okay? Okay?"

Her sister didn't respond, but still Roxy bundled Ronnie into her arms and led her towards the Vic. Jack followed behind them, leaving a sobbing Janine. All three of them walked in silence, Roxy just wanted to get Ronnie back up to their room and into bed. "What?!" The blonde exclaimed as a hush fell over the punters in the Vic once the three of them entered through the double doors. She glared at the faces of the people she saw day in, day out – or at least, she did of the ones that could look her in the face.

"Roxy," Jack said her name, an edge of warning in his voice. "Let's just go upstairs, yeah?"

Without saying anything, the three adults went through to the back of the Vic and up to the living area. "Ron, why don't you go through to the living room, yeah? I'll fix you a drink, yeah?"

Ronnie looked at her younger sister. She was trying so hard, so hard to make her feel better, to make [i]_her_[/i] better. A drink couldn't do that. The only thing that could help she would never get to have. But as she looked into Roxy's eyes, how could she say that to her? Instead, she just nodded and went into the living room.

"What are you doing?" She asked as her cousin took a sip of whisky.

Phil looked up, surprised to see Ronnie standing there. He didn't say anything, so she stepped closer to him before sitting herself down on the sofa next to him. "Are you drinking again?"

"What's it look like?" He replied, his words already slurred.

"Why?"

Phil looked at her, confused by her question – whether that was a result of the alcohol or just his own stupidity, Ronnie didn't know. "What d'you mean why?"

"Why?" She asked again, repeating the question, her crystal blue eyes piercing through him until he felt uncomfortable under her penetrating gaze.

"I let 'er down," Phil mumbled in reply, running a hand across his face.

"Who?"

"Mum. I couldn't do what she wanted me to," Phil confessed, unsure why he had done so.

Ronnie prised the glass tumbler from his fingers and put it to her lips before chucking the contents to the back of her throat. She set the glass down on the low coffee table before turning to her cousin. "My daughter died in my arms. I win."


	10. Chapter 10

Phil looked at his cousin – how could she have kept that secret for so long? Nearly twenty years. Admittedly, they hadn't lived together long (only a year before she moved out), but how could he have not known? When he and Jack had got into a fight about Louise, she'd taken a break from the club – why? Why would she do that unless she knew something about the thought of a child growing up without her in their life? Phil couldn't be a part of Louise's life and Ronnie couldn't be in Danielle's life. She knew what he had been going through, that was why she left Jack to deal with the club. Not out of family loyalty, but because she was going through the same thing.

Why hadn't he seen that? Why hadn't _anybody_? Ronnie had been so angry when Archie had walked back into their lives, so, so angry. He'd put it down to jealousy, but it wasn't. That man had taken away her little girl. Over and over again.

"That's why you were like that with your dad," Phil mumbled, hardly aware he had even spoken out loud.

"What?" Ronnie asked him, so immersed in her thoughts she hadn't heard Phil speak.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Okay."

"No . . . why didn't you tell us?"

Ronnie shrugged. She didn't have to ask him to explain what he was talking about, she knew. "Roxy knew and Peggy knew and Jack knew. What was the point in adding more people to that story?"

"If Jack knew, why didn't he find her for you?"

"I didn't ask."

"He loves you, did you need to ask?" Phil asked bluntly. She looked away from him as the tears already formed in her blue eyes. He sighed, he hadn't meant to upset her. "I know it's not the same, but . . . Louise had an older brother."

"What?"

"Yeah, Lisa was five months pregnant. She lost the baby. So, I know-"

"No, you don't." Ronnie immediately silenced him. "I lost her over and over and over again. I had two hours and twenty three minutes with her before he took her from and then he tells me died when she was a little girl and then he makes me throw my baby out, makes me think that she's crazy and just wants to hurt us. I held her, Phil, I held her and I felt her blood fall onto my hands and I felt her heart stop. That was my little girl, my little _girl_. I had moments when I could've had years and he took that from me. I'm sorry about your son, Phil, but it isn't the same and you _don't_ know."

Ronnie stood up from the sofa, needing to get away from Phil, from everyone; she just wanted to be alone now. "Ronnie, where're you goin'?"

She shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know. I don't . . . know."


	11. Chapter 11

"Ronnie? Ronnie, where're you going?" Roxy asked, running out of the kitchen and after her sister. She'd seen Ronnie leave the living room and walk past the open door of the kitchen.

"Ron!" Jack called after her, but she couldn't stop. She needed to get away from everyone.

"Ronnie!" Roxy grabbed hold of her sister's arm, trying to stop her stride. Ronnie instantly cried out in pain. "Ron?" Her little sister asked, confused. "What is it?" She turned Ronnie's arm over in her hand, pulling up the sleeve of her pale pink jumper top. "Ronnie, what've you done?" Roxy whispered as she saw blood seeping through a white bandage.

Ronnie just looked at her helplessly, a look of shame written across her face. She shook her head as tears formed in both sisters' eyes.

"It's not what you think," Jack interjected, but Roxy turned on him, a face full of fury.

"You were meant to be looking after her!" She shouted, balling her hands into small fists. "You _said_ you would take care of her!"

"I **was**! I _am_," Jack tried to defend himself against Roxy's accusations, but they were half hearted, he knew he should have taken better care of her. They both knew it.

"Then _why_ is she **bleeding**?!"

Ronnie looked between the two people she loved most in the world. They were arguing over her, this wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want them at each other's throats. "Stop it. Stop it." Her voice was quiet, weak. They weren't listening to her.

"Don't you think I can see that? I was the one that put the bandage on 'er!"

"If you were lookin' after her properly, she wouldn't _need_ you to put a bandage on her! I knew I shouldn't have let her go with you, I **knew** it! But you, you said she'd be fine, you'd make sure she was fine. Does she _look_ fine to you?!" Roxy shook her head, silently berating herself for being sucked in, once again, by Jack Branning. How could she have trusted him with her sister? Over and over all he ever did was hurt her, and the one time Ronnie needed to know that nobody else would, he lets her hurt herself. It didn't matter what Jack would say in his defence, to Roxy, he _let_ it happen.

Jack just looked at the mother of his child; the anger pouring out of her like an ocean. He didn't need her screaming at him about letting Ronnie down, his own guilt was deafening. He could see Ronnie putting the piece of glass to her skin, see the scarlet trickle of blood and every time the glass licked her skin, it was as though it was sliding across his own. He didn't need Roxy telling him that Ronnie was hurt, because he felt it too.

"JACK!" Ronnie shouted above their screams. "Stop it, the both of you." Roxy and Jack turned to look at her, surprised. "I'm not, I'm not a _child_ – Jack didn't let anything happen. And I know that you care and that you're trying to help, but how can you; my little girl's gone. So I need you to stop shouting the odds at each other, okay?"

"Ron, I'm sorry," Roxy whispered, embracing her sister. Ronnie allowed the hug, even though everything inside of her recoiled from the comfort – she didn't want to be comforted, at least not right now. "How 'bout we both go to bed, yeah?"

Ronnie shook her head. "No, I er. I need to go somewhere first."

Jack looked at her, quizzically. "Okay, where? I'll take yer."

"Joel's."


	12. Chapter 12

Roxy and Jack looked at her, completely stunned. She wasn't serious, was she? "Ron, you can't go now. You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, because it's nine o' clock at night, you'll get there late and you'll, you'll. He, he-" Roxy stuttered out excuse after excuse, but none of them were enough for Ronnie to reconsider her actions.

"Ronnie, you're not ready," Jack whispered, walking towards her and clasping her hand tightly in his. "You're not ready, sweetheart."

"He has to know. She's our daughter, Jack – mine and Joel's. We made her. And now she's . . . he has to know."

Jack nodded, even as he felt an iron fist choke his heart at the mere mention of Joel. This man had given Ronnie a daughter, they shared something Jack had only ever dreamt about. But this same man had let his daughter be taken away – it didn't matter how old you were, your child is still your child. Ronnie knew that, she'd felt it every day for the last nineteen years and no doubt she'd feel it every day until she drew her last breath.

But what about him? What about Joel? Did he feel that? Or was he able to move on, get over it and start a new family? Is that what he did? What he _could_ do? Because Ronnie sure as hell couldn't.

"Yeah, he does, " Jack agreed.

Roxy frowned, shooting daggers at Jack with her eyes. "Have you been sniffing glue or something?! _How_ is going to see Joel, right now, a good idea?"

Jack looked between the mother of his child and the woman he loved; how could he explain to Roxy why he had agreed with her sister? He knew how much agony Ronnie was in, he knew because every time he looked at her it was as though it was happening to him. He felt everything she did. And he knew that the only way she could even begin to heal was to face up to what terrified her the most.

"Ronnie needs to do this," he simply stated, not offering a further explanation even as he saw Roxy begin to argue with him once again.

"Roxy," Ronnie called out to her little sister. "He's right. Joel's her dad and he doesn't know. He doesn't know Rox, he doesn't know that she had blonde hair and these bright blue eyes. He doesn't know that she said 'laff' instead of 'laugh' or that she couldn't pull a pint to save her life or that she loved 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. He doesn't know these things. And I _need_ him."

"What?"

Jack was glad that Roxy had voiced that question, because it felt as though Ronnie's admission had slit his throat and with every beat of his heart, more blood poured from the open wound.

"I know you're only trying to help, but you've no idea. You're feeling this because I am, because you love me. But I need someone that feels it because she's gone, I need someone who loves _her_."


	13. Chapter 13

Ronnie watched as the streets whizzed past her. She was sitting in Jack's car, her head leant against the passenger side window and her eyes staring blankly ahead of her. They'd been driving for a half hour now, in complete silence; Jack hadn't tried to make conversation – he knew that she wasn't in the mood to talk. She'd just told him Joel's address and he'd started driving.

Every now and then he'd sneak little glances over at her, just to make sure she was okay. In truth, she didn't look it – her face was pale, her lips almost bloodless, and the light that used to be in her eyes; the one that used to radiate warmth and love if you were able to get close enough to her, that light had dimmed.

Everything about her had dimmed.

And that was all down to Archie Mitchell. Jack's hands itched to grab that man by his throat, his fingers wanted to curl around his windpipe and just squeeze. Squeeze and squeeze until Archie lay in a lifeless heap on the floor. _How could he do that to her? She's his __**daughter**__! Dads aren't meant to do this. They don't hurt the one person they love with everything they have. Dads don't do this._

Looking back ahead, Jack returned to concentrating on his driving, trying to get Ronnie to where she needed to go as quickly and as safely as possible. It was only a small thing to do in helping her, but he needed to do all of these small things because he had no idea what else he could do. In reality, he couldn't help her – he wasn't family, he never knew Danielle, not properly at least, so how was he meant to help her?

But he loved Ronnie. So he was helping in any way he could and any way that she would let him. Because he loved her.

"Jack?" Ronnie whispered, raising her head from the window slightly. She looked at the side of his face for a moment, remembering the feel of his skin against her hands; the sensation of fresh stubble against her cheek whenever she used to greet him with a morning kiss. It all seemed so long ago now. A different lifetime. So much had happened since then . . . too much.

"Yeah?" He answered, his eyes still on the road.

"Why did you do it?" The same thought whirled around and around in her mind. Ever since he'd told her he loved her, the question kept popping into her head, shouting itself at her and refusing to be silenced. Because there was no way she could – she didn't have the answer it needed. Only he did.

"Do what?" Jack asked, confused by her question.

"You said you love me."

"I do."

"Then why did you . . .?" The question died on her lips. Ronnie sucked in a shallow breath. "You didn't cheat on Selina, you didn't cheat on Tanya, so why me? If you love me so much, then why me? Why did you cheat on me?"

The car slowed to a stop, Jack applied the handbrake and turned the engine off. Ronnie looked around where they were. "This isn't where Joel lives," she stated.

"No."

"This is the . . ." Ronnie looked at him, shock and betrayal splashed across her face. Jack nodded, sadly. "Why have you brought me here?" She asked him, her voice hard and angry.

"Because you need to say goodbye to your daughter."


	14. Chapter 14

Ronnie shook her head, refusing to listen to what Jack was saying. How could he do this? She'd wanted to go to Joel's, not here. She hadn't wanted to come here. Her chest tightened, restricting her breathing until she was gasping for air.

"Ron?" Jack panicked at the sight of her doubling over for breath, he unbuckled his seat belt and put his hand on her back. "It's okay, just deep breaths, deep breaths. That's it, that's it," he said as she began to calm down and breathe normally once again. _Maybe it's too soon? I shouldn't have brought her here. It's too soon – she can't handle it._

"I can't do this, Jack. I can't," Ronnie's voice trembled with a mixture of terror and pain.

"You can, Ron. You have to."

She shook her head as the tears fell freely from her eyes. "No. No."

"I'm here, Ronnie. I'm right here and I'll be by your side every step of the way. But you have to see her. You have to say goodbye." Jack placed a hand on the back of Ronnie's neck, trying to make her look at him and soothe her at the same time.

"I don't want to . . ." Ronnie whispered; the strength that had resided within her, the one that got her through every day without her daughter for the past nineteen year – it had gone the moment Danielle's heart had stopped beating. She couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't paint on the smile and go through the motions of another day; she didn't have it in her to do that anymore.

Jack looked at her, wanting more than anything to take away everything that she was feeling; the heartache and the betrayal, he wished he could put his hands over her heart and heal it, but no amount of wishing could ever make that possible.

"You have to, Ronnie," he replied, his voice low and gentle, but he may as well have slapped her across the face.

"It hurts," she confessed, closing her eyes and trying to block out where she was and everything around her. "It hurts so much, Jack." A stream of crystal droplets slid out from beneath her closed lids, trickling down her cheeks. "It hurts to breathe."

Ronnie felt her body shudder as the grief tore out from her chest, escaping from her open mouth as wails. Jack pulled her into him, rocking her slightly, his fingers running through her hair. It was as though he could hear the shattered pieces of her heart groaning in agony for her lost daughter; the daughter she never had the chance to know. Jack remembered how he had felt when he'd heard that Amy might not make it; he'd not even seen the baby and it had terrified him – scared him so much he had needed to know whether she was his or not. He'd only ever been that petrified one time before; at Penny's bedside. But Ronnie's pain was a thousand times worse than anything he had experienced.

"You need to do this, Ronnie. You need to say goodbye."

"I don't want to."

"You need to."

" . . . I'm scared."


	15. Chapter 15

Ronnie felt like she was moving in slow motion; everything around her seemed to going so much faster than she was, everything was too loud and too bright. The cars on the road – their headlights were blinding, the sound of their tyres on the tarmac deafening. Ronnie looked up at the building she and Jack were stood in front of. The morgue.

The morgue.

This was where her baby girl was sleeping.

_Except she's not sleeping is she? Because if you're sleeping, you wake up. And she won't. She won't wake up._

"Ronnie?" Jack looked over his shoulder, calling out to her.

She looked at him, confused as to how he'd gotten so far ahead of her when they'd been walking side by side. Looking down, she realised – she'd stopped walking. She'd just stopped.

She picked up her right foot and placed it on the cold, granite stone in front of her. Then she did the same with her left. Ronnie repeated the sequence, her mind telling her which foot to pick up and place down. And then she was at the doors, beside Jack. "You ready?" He asked.

She didn't reply.

What could she say to that? 'Yes, I'm ready to see my dead daughter? I'm ready to say goodbye to her and I'm ready to forget now?' What did he expect her to say? As though he could read her thoughts, or even just the blank expression on her face, Jack slipped his fingers through hers and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"You can do this," he whispered to her, his brown eyes imploring a strength that was within her to rise up and consume Ronnie. _I'm doing the right thing, aren't I? This is going to help her, isn't it? It will either help or . . . hurt her. Oh god – what am I doing? I shouldn't have brought her here. She can't be more hurt. She can't. We need to turn around. We need to leave._ The doubt had crept into Jack's thoughts and was now swirling through him like a tornado, he could feel the fear ripping at his insides like a rabid wolf.

But it was too late. There was no turning back now. Ronnie had let go of his hand and was now heading to room that held her daughter. "Ronnie!" Jack rushed after her, his shoes squeaking against the polished floor as he came to a sudden halt behind her.

"I have to do this, don't I?" Ronnie asked, her voice quiet and small. She stared at the door in front of her face, her fingers lingering on the door handle, but not completely grasping hold of it. She was so close now, all she had to do was open the door and step inside. But still, a part of her wanted to run.

Jack stood behind her, internally debating what to say next. Should he tell her to go inside or go home? "You have to do whatever it is you need to."

Without turning around, Ronnie nodded. Her hand curled around the cool metal of the door handle and she pushed down. "I need to see my little girl."


	16. Chapter 16

Ronnie let out a small breath of air as she looked upon the lifeless body of her little girl. She had been dressed in a long white dress, the material looked soft and as light as the air that was now meaningless to her. Ronnie turned to Jack, who was standing right behind her. "How did you-?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I know a guy."

"You always do, don't you?" She replied, trying to lift her lips into a smile, attempting to convey a shred of humour, but being unable to do so. She'd found herself doing that a lot these days, trying to do something and finding that she couldn't; from the smallest of things like trying to smile to things that were utterly huge – like opening the small box of Danielle's things Stacey had given her.

A few mornings ago, she had come to the Vic and without a word had just passed this box over to Ronnie. They'd looked at each for a few moments, but neither of them had spoken. What was the need for words when everything could be said in other ways? Ronnie had taken it upstairs and placed it on Roxy's dresser. For hours she had just stared at it, not daring to touch it in case she broke it; because that was what happened. Whatever she touched, it broke. It got destroyed.

And so that was where the box had stayed for the last three days; unopened and untouched.

"You're stalling," Jack stated.

"I know," she whispered, nodding her head as she felt the hot tears of despair sting at the corners of her eyes.

"Look at her, Ron. That's your daughter. That's Danielle."

"I know."

"Look at her, Ronnie," he urged her, placing his hands on the sides of her shoulders and turning her around so that she was faced with the image of her dead daughter. Jack felt Ronnie's body shudder in his hands, a wracking sob building beneath her chest before erupting forth.

"She's dead!" Ronnie cried out, her voice a muted scream. Jack nodded his head behind her, holding onto her ever more tightly as he felt the grief of her loss finally come to the fore. She'd tried so hard to bury it, tried so hard to pretend that she was fine but anyone could feel her heartache and torment. "How can she be dead, Jack?" Ronnie asked, gripping onto his hand tightly, squeezing his fingers between her own.

"I'm sorry, Ron," he whispered into her hair, his eyes becoming glassy with his own tears.

"I don't want you 'sorrys', Jack – I want _her_! I want my daughter!" Ronnie exclaimed, freeing herself from Jack's grasp and bursting through the door that separated her from her daughter.

"No!" Jack exclaimed, running after her. "No, Ronnie, you can't! Ronnie!"

But his protests fell on deaf ears as Ronnie walked up to the side of Danielle's coffin. He watched in horror as the woman he loved gingerly reached out to touch her daughter's face, her fingertips slinking across Danielle's jaw line before caressing her cold cheek.

"Hello sweetheart, it's mum."


	17. Chapter 17

Ronnie felt as though a knife had plunged deep within her chest, the blade slicing through the soft muscle of her heart. With every beat, she felt the blood seep away, pooling in a puddle at her feet. Closing her eyes, Ronnie reached for her daughter's face, her fingertips gently tracing the ridges and contours.

"Ronnie-" Jack called out her name, gripping hold of her forearm. "You need to go."

"Not right now, Jack."

"Ron-"

But she shook her head adamantly. She wasn't leaving her daughter again. Ronnie felt Jack relent, releasing the hold he had on her arm and moving away from her. That was good, that was what she had wanted. To be alone with her baby girl.

Tenderly, Ronnie brushed the soft blonde hair away from Danielle's cold face, the side of her thumb caressing her daughter's stiff, blue cheek. "I miss you," she whispered, her free hand seeking out one of Danielle's and lacing her fingers between the young girl's. "And I know I shouldn't, but I do. I didn't know you at all, did I, so why should I miss you? For the last nine months I thought you'd been taken away from me and now . . . now you have – so what's the difference?" Sucking in a sharp breath, Ronnie pulled a hand away from Danielle's face, as though she had been stung. As though it caused her physical pain to touch her daughter's lifeless body.

"I'm so sorry," Ronnie murmured, clutching hold of Danielle's hand in both of hers and grasping it tightly, as though the contact was the only thing that was tethering her to reality and sanity. "I should have known, I should have seen what you tried so hard for me to see. I should've known how hurt you were, how much _I_ hurt you. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

But even as she uttered the apologies, Ronnie knew that they would fall on deaf ears. _Because she's dead._

Inwardly scoffing, Ronnie continued. "I thought about you every day; what you looked like, what you sounded like and I imagined you – your favourite colour, your laugh, what you'd want to be when you're older. I imagined you and when he told, when he told me . . . I couldn't stop imagining you. I just couldn't . . . let you go. It didn't matter what had happened, that I would never be able to see you or hold you in my arms and tell you how much my heart aches for you. None of that mattered because, to me, you could never be gone."

Closing her eyes, she felt a lone tear trickle down a porcelain cheek and land on Danielle's face. Letting out a soft gasp, Ronnie gently brushed the teardrop away with the pad of her thumb. Jack watched her movements, listening to the words that she spoke and with every one of them, he wished he could spare her the pain of what she was going through.

"You can't be gone," Ronnie whispered, bringing Danielle's limp hand to her lips and gently grazing them with the soft skin of the back of her hand. "You can't be gone."

"Ronnie," Jack breathed, walking forwards he placed a hand on each of her upper arms, squeezing gently as he drew her body into his.

"All I ever wanted was to hold my little girl, even if it was just for a minute. I told myself that that would be enough . . . but it wasn't. Moments. That's all we had and it's _not_ enough. It's not enough anymore."

"I know," Jack told her as he encircled his arms around her body and attempted to soothe her.

"No, you don't! I wanted to see her wedding Jack; I wanted to see her meet this incredible man that would cherish every little thing about her. I wanted to see her bring home her first baby." Ronnie's heart bled even more at the thought that that might have just come true if she had just been brave enough to face her past and help her little girl; if she had just been honest with Danielle, would she have kept her baby? And would she have been mourning two lives at this moment in time? "I just want to be her mum."

"You are, Ron. You are her mum, you gave birth to her and you love her. And nobody can take that away from you-"

"But they took _her_!" Ronnie wailed, her emotions ripping through her like a tsunami. Biting down into the cushion of her bottom lip, Ronnie looked away from the man that refused to let go of her, both physically and romantically. "Sometimes . . . I hear her." She confessed. "I'll be in the club and I'll hear her laugh and I'll go to where it came from and there's nobody there. Or I'll be walking through the market and there's this flash of blonde hair and her smile and I quickly turn around, looking for her face, but she's not there." She paused, her chest rising and falling heavily with grief. "It's worse at night. I wake up and I swear, I can _see_ her - she's _right_ there – so I just sit and look at her because if I speak, if I say a word, then she might go again."

Ronnie felt Jack's arms tighten around her form and she allowed her body to slightly slump into his, letting the man she loved give her strength. "What do I do, Jack? She's gone, but I can't let her go. I _won't_ let her go."

"You don't have to," he murmured into the nape of Ronnie's neck. "She's your daughter, you don't have to let her go."

Bending forwards, Ronnie's forehead touched Danielle's before the mother placed a delicate butterfly kiss on her child's cheek. "Sweet dreams, darling. I'll see you soon, baby."

**THE END**


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